


Ain't no sin to be glad you're alive

by madeitsimple



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Light Bondage, M/M, Orgasm Control, Praise Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:47:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27652258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeitsimple/pseuds/madeitsimple
Summary: “I thought it would be different,” Raleigh says, swirling the liquid around in his glass.“Me too,” Herc says.
Relationships: Raleigh Becket/Hercules Hansen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Ain't no sin to be glad you're alive

In the initial aftermath of victory, nothing can touch him. Not Stacker’s death, not the unrelenting grief over Yancy, not the scars from a lifetime of fighting. He touches his head to Mako’s, feels all her compassion and love. For a moment, the relief is overwhelming, close to bliss. 

Then come the days after. 

The Shatterdome slows down, the usual frenetic noise of the place replaced by an all encompassing quiet. With Stacker gone, Herc takes over. He leads in the same deliberate but authoritative way, and Raleigh has no qualms about following. Even with no kaiju to fight, there are loose ends to tie up, and whatever the new Marshal asks of him, Raleigh does without complaint. 

He and Mako are the heroes of the hour, so Herc puts him in front of the cameras. There are appearances at parties and galas and celebrations, and even though his work is done, Raleigh can’t quite believe it. Around him there’s a swirl of wealth and power, and even as he stands shaking hand after hand, his back prickles with anxiety, the ghost of a kaiju alarm ringing in his ears. 

“Well done! Bloody, well done,” and older gentleman says, vigorously pumping his hand and all he can hear is Yancy screaming _Raleigh listen to me_ in his brain. 

He tries to tell everyone they aren’t the real heroes, the ones who made the ultimate sacrifice. He talks about Yancy and Chuck and Stacker and all the other pilots who died trying. They meet his eyes with polite smiles, say _‘of course of course’_ and move quickly past the grief and the amount of bodies piled up. 

At the parties, there are women and men who throw themselves at him. Some who are subtle, some who are not, some who consider it a simple business transaction. The touch his back, linger on his arm, whisper crude things in his ear. At one dinner, a man reaches under the table and slides a hand up his thigh. Raleigh refuses each advance, sometimes with a smile, sometimes with a glare, and every time a little part of him dies. Unlimited fucking should be his reward for saving the world, and yet being alone with a stranger, undressing in front of them, having their hands on his body, makes something go cold inside of him.

“Don’t make me do that again.” He’s coming back to the Shatterdome late one night, his bow tie already undone, when he passes Herc in the hallway. “I swear, one more person tries to tell me what a hero I am and I’ll lose it.” 

Herc only looks at him, must see whatever it is in Raleigh’s eyes that’s a dead giveaway. 

“OK,” he says, with a crisp nod. And then, surprisingly, “Care for a drink?”

Herc’s stayed in his old quarters, hasn’t moved into the larger, more comfortable Marshall’s space. He pours Raleigh a finger of scotch, takes a double for himself and sits on the edge of his bed—made with precision Raleigh notices—while Raleigh sits at the small table.

“I’m sorry about Chuck,” he says. He’s said it before, will say it again. 

“I miss him,” Herc answers. He’s in his usual fatigues and gray henley, and he looks stern but steady, like a father. “You’re never supposed to outlive your kids but we didn’t get a choice in this did we?” 

There’s not much Raleigh can say that Herc doesn’t already know. They’re both members of a club no one wants to be in. _My family is gone. There is now only me._ To lose someone to a kaiju is a horrible, specific kind of loss. To lose someone you’ve drifted with for so long is indescribable. He wishes he could tell Herc it gets better, but right now he’s not so sure. 

“I thought it would be different,” Raleigh says, swirling the liquid around in his glass. 

“Me too,” Herc says. 

***

True to his word, he keeps Raleigh away from public appearances and puts him in charge of the Preservation Project. Raleigh spends his days restoring whatever Jaeger parts they can salvage, the tech too valuable and expensive to be thrown away, and spends his nights roaming from one end of the Shatterdome to the other. He doesn’t sleep much, but he’s not sure anyone does. Though many people, like Mako, have already left, enough have lingered that Raleigh is unsurprised to find the dojo lit when he wanders in at 2 in the morning. 

He watches silently for a few minutes while Herc takes out his insomnia on a punching bag. 

“Up for some sparring?” Herc asks, already untaping his gloves. 

They move around each other, slowly at first, easing into a dance of chokeholds and takedowns, until they’re both heaving and sweaty. 

“Come on, up,” Herc commands and Raleigh obeys. 

They got at it again and again, pushing and pulling, breath hot, until Herc sweeps Raleigh’s legs out from under him and pins him to the mat, an arm across his chest and a thigh between his legs. Raleigh arches up against the touch, whether to get free or get closer he couldn’t say. He’s rock hard against Herc’s thigh and knows Herc can feel it too. Herc doesn’t react, just holds him down for a long moment until he stops fighting. 

“You should rest,” Herc says and offers him a hand up.  
He goes back to the dojo the next two nights, only to find it empty. On the third night, he knocks on Herc’s door, too exhausted to think better about it. There’s a brief pause, a moment of hesitation where Raleigh can see Herc working out if what he’s about to do is reckless for them both. In the end, he steps aside so Raleigh can come in. 

“Make it rough,” Raleigh asks. They’re pawing at each other, hands under shirts, mouths mashed together, but that makes Herc pull away. He sweeps a hand up the side of Raleigh’s face, and Raleigh knows he’s thinking about his son, of how he would feel if those words came out of Chuck’s mouth. 

“I don’t think it’s going to work otherwise,” Raleigh says. He’s half hard, needs something, anything from Herc to get him all the way there. It’s been too many years of having no one. Of having the only time anyone has touched his body be with violence on their mind. “Do it, it’s fine,” he urges but Herc doesn’t move. He sweeps his thumb over Raleigh’s eyebrow, a gesture so gentle it makes Raleigh slam his palm against the wall in frustration. 

“Fuck, just do something, Herc, come on.” 

Herc leans in to kiss him instead, slowly this time, licking into this mouth until Raleigh is the one who rips his head away. He is about to beg, for what he’s not sure. Maybe for Herc to push him to the ground, to shove his cock down Raleigh’s throat, or pin his hands so far behind his back his shoulders ache, but Herc sweeps a thumb under Raleigh’s lip.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he says and Raleigh curls his hand into a fist. Tears of exhaustion prick the corners of his eyes. He thinks about explaining it wouldn’t be hurting him, not really, but he’s not sure himself. There is nothing in his head that makes sense right now. Nothing that isn’t a bundle of grief and loss and confusion. 

“You wouldn’t,” he tries, but the words cut off when Herc slides his hand down Raleigh’s pants, and cup his semi, fondling and squeezing him lightly. Raleigh leans his head back against the wall, swallowing thickly as Herc frees him from his underwear, the cool air hitting his dick like a shock. 

“Easy,” Herc says, stroking him. He squeezes his eyes shut against the sensation, nails digging into his palms. “Raleigh, listen to me.” Herc kisses the corner of his mouth, the underside of his jaw. “It’s OK to want this. It’s OK for this to feel good.” He sweeps his thumb over the head of Raleigh’s dick. “You don’t have to punish—,” 

And it’s too much. He pushes Herc’s hand away and tugs up his pants. “I should go.”

Herc calls after him —“Raleigh, wait. Raleigh, I’m sorry, I’m so—” but he’s already out the door, almost running down the hall. 

***

A less responsible adult would have let it go, avoided him maybe or pretended the entire thing never happened, but Herc finds him in the mess the next day. 

“I’m sorry,” he says and the color rises in Raleigh’s cheeks. 

“Forget about it,” he mumbles, spearing some kind of meat with his fork. Even with all the ports open, they’re still only getting limited rations. There are people scattered around, but no one seems to be paying them any attention. 

“Raleigh, look at me,” Herc says, so he does. Herc is sitting across from him, his blue eyes furrowed with worry. Raleigh flashes back to last night, the sharp bite of Herc’s teeth against his neck, the warmth of his hand around Raleigh’s dick. He is filled with equal parts anger and arousal, a mixture he has no idea what do with. “You alright?” Herc asks, and Raleigh wants to scream that he’s not Herc’s son, he doesn’t need to be looked after like a child.

“I’m fine,” he says and pushes back his chair, walking away for the second time. 

***

There are only so many public appearances Herc can get him out of. 

There’s a UN treaty gala the next night, and no one is taking no for an answer. Raleigh shows up in his dress blues, Mako looks stunning in a black sheath, while Tendo and Gottleib and Geiszler all decide to go black tie. Mako stays as close to him as she can, fielding congratulations and handshakes, sensing his growing panic. The Drift hangover has faded between them but it’s still strong sometimes, like now, when they’re in close proximity. 

“I miss you,” he says, squeezing her hand. She squeezes it back and kisses his temple. She left because of this, because the Drift is not permanent, not sustainable, and she needed to find something real in her life. 

“I miss you too,” she says. They share a moment until a French dignitary pulls her away. In Mako’s absence, a woman—tall, slim, with hair so blonde it gleams almost white—slides into her place. 

“You Jaeger pilots are marvelous. Just marvelous,” she purrs, touching Raleigh’s arm. “How brave of you. We all owe you such a debt. You’re just so heroic.” Her smile is predatory, like a shark’s, all teeth and no warmth, and Raleigh thinks again of Yancy’s screams and Stacker’s steely determination. 

The woman keeps talking and more people gather around her, their words floating in and out. Not much is expected of him but to stand there looking brave, and they slap his back, shake his hand, and the woman, the one who got their first, keeps a hand on his arm like property. 

“It must have been incredible, to see it up close. The breach, I mean,” she says, like she’s asking about a particularly lovely beach Raleigh might have vacationed at. His jaw tightens but she keeps going. “Can’t you share anything about it? It almost sounds, magical, in a way.” She’s pressed close to him now, using the crush of people as an excuse and he knows what’s coming next. She gives him a sly smile, her hand skirts too close to Raleigh’s inner thigh and his stomach turns to ice. He tries to imagine leaving with her, whether she would wait till they got upstairs to her place or if she would try to fuck him the car. All these people want something from him, something he has no capacity to give, and the thought makes his chest tighten, the panic start to rise. 

“Excuse me, can I borrow the hero of the hour?” Herc has made is way through the crowd. He cuts between two men in suits, every bit the Marshall. He gives the woman his most apologetic smile, while touching Raleigh gently at the elbow. “He’s in high demand. I’m sure you understand.” 

“They never ask about Chuck, they never ask about Stacker. The Kandinsky’s.” Raleigh says as Herc leads him outside. They’re high up on Victoria Peak. The city shimmers all around them. 

“No one wants to mourn the dead,” Herc says. “Not at a fancy party like this.” 

Raleigh leans over the railing, taking deep breaths of cold winter air while Herc keeps a steadying hand on his back. There is no reason, he thinks again, why he is alive, right now, at this very moment, watching the twinkle of lights all over Kowloon Bay. Herc squeezes the back of his neck, his thumb idly stroking. 

“Get me out of here,” Raleigh says. He thinks about the woman and her shark like smile. “Please.” 

They escape through a service entrance, Herc politely but firmly rebuffing anyone who tries to stop them. In the car, Raleigh flicks open the top button of his collar and drops his head back against the seat, wondering if it will always be like his. Herc keeps a hand on his knee and once they make their way inside the Shatterdome, Raleigh bypasses his own door and follows Herc into his room. Raleigh stands there, watching him, as Herc hangs up his dress coat, before rolling up his shirt sleeves. 

“What do you want Raleigh?” Herc asks and the question is too broad for Raleigh to even begin to answer. He just shakes his head, but Herc seems to understand anyway. He takes Raleigh’s coat off, undresses him until he’s standing shirtless. He cups Raleigh’s face in his hands and kisses him, going slowly until Raleigh pushes for more. His hands grip Herc’s waist, keeping him in place, afraid that he might leave. 

“Herc,” he pulls away only enough for them to breathe. 

“Take off your pants,” Herc says. He slides his hands up Raleigh’s back, feeling the tense cord of muscles. Raleigh steps out of his shoes and toes off his socks. His pants pool around his ankles, leaving him standing in his briefs. 

“You cold?” Herc asks, stroking his arms. 

Raleigh shakes his head, everything inside of him suddenly on fire. 

They kiss again, this time Herc traces wicked little patterns inside Raleigh’s mouth, and his fingers thumb a nipple. He moans in response, his erection starting to fill. It’s good, he feels less restless than last time but the gentle teases aren’t what Raleigh wants, what he’s here for. 

“Lie down on the bed,” Herc says, so Raleigh does. He watches as Herc fumbles through a drawer, coming up with nylon straps and something Raleigh can’t quite make out. He places them on the bedside table, and takes off his own clothes, until he’s down to his briefs. He sits at the edge of the bed, half-hard himself and strokes Raleigh’s face again. 

“I can’t hurt you, Raleigh,” he says, “Not like you want.” 

He moves to get up from the bed, but Herc keeps a hand on his chest. “Let me try something, alright? If you don’t like it, we’ll stop. No safe word. Just say stop and I will.” 

He holds up the nylon straps. They lock eyes and Raleigh nods, just once. 

“You sure?” Herc asks again. 

“Yes,” he says, his stomach suddenly flipping. 

There’s no headboard to tie Raleigh’s hands too, so Herc flips him so he’s on his stomach and binds them loosely behind his back. 

“Tighter,” Raleigh says and Herc only places a kiss on the small of his back. 

“The point isn’t pain,” he says but cinches the knot till the strap is tight against Raleigh’s wrists. Not enough to chafe, but enough so Raleigh can’t escape. Herc props up pillows and Raleigh leans against them, adjusting his arms. He’s never been tied up before, has never thought he’d like it, but as Herc spreads his legs and runs his hands up the bare flesh of his thighs his hips tilt up slightly in response. Raleigh leans up to kiss him and Herc complies, his mouth and hands soothing and arousing at the same time. 

“Good?” Herc asks and Raleigh chases after his mouth in response. Without his hands, Raleigh isn’t free to feel, can’t touch any part of Herc yet and longing starts to build inside him. 

“You going to fuck me like this?” Raleigh asks. He’s trying for cheeky, seeing how far Herc will go but Herc doesn’t flinch at his tone. 

“Not tonight.” He cups Raleigh through the thin gray fabric of his shorts and stroking the outline of his dick, feeling him getting harder by the second. He leans down, sucks Raleigh’s left nipple into his mouth, until Raleigh is squirming under the touch.

“Just look at you,” Herc says, his own voice thick, and pulls down his shorts. Raleigh’s fully hard now, breath coming a little heavier, his cock laying flat and hard against his stomach. Herc takes it in his hand, strokes and twists til Raleigh is shifting up into his hand, slick with precome. 

“Fuck,” he mutters as Herc swirls his thumb around the tip of dick, twisting his wrist with just enough pressure that Raleigh is already close to coming. A groan escapes his mouth, something low from inside his chest, a warning that he’s close, and Herc stills his hand making Raleigh curse again. He leaves him there, panting, fingers only tracing the edge of his balls, sending little sparks of pleasure through Raleigh’s spine. 

“Please, keep going,” Raleigh gasps. Herc rubs something onto his palm, something slick that smells a little like vanilla and starts stroking him again, this time the lube providing an incredible wetness and heat. Raleigh turns his face into the pillow, breathing through his mouth, as Herc starts to murmur, soft and slow. 

“You’re doing so good for me, Raleigh,” Herc says and Raleigh’s dick jumps in his hand. He squeezes his eyes shut in embarrassment, ashamed that the simple bit of praise makes his stomach tighten. Herc whispers Raleigh’s name again all the while stroking his dick with a slow and torturous rhythm. 

“Faster, just a little faster,” Raleigh gasps. He’s already desperate to come, wants to finish this off so whatever is trying to worm its way through his chest will stay trapped inside, but Herc takes his time. He varies the speed of his strokes, speeding up and changing the pressure til soft whimpers escape Raleigh’s mouth. He’s close, so, so close when Herc tightly circles the base of his cock, cutting everything off, leaving him aching and hard. 

“Herc, please.” Raleigh slams his head back into the bed, sweat starting to drip into his eyes. 

“It’s all right, just a little longer,” Herc says and kisses him. He soothes Raleigh’s frustration with his mouth, his hands still slowly rolling Raleigh’s balls. When he moves away, Raleigh whimpers again, mouth chasing Herc’s. From the bedside table, he takes what Raleigh now sees is a rubber double cock ring.

“Oh, god,” Raleigh groans and Herc stretches it to fit over his balls and dick, keeping him hard. Herc smooths back his hair, shushes him gently and kisses down his temple.

“It’s alright, Raleigh just let this feel good.”  
It goes on for how long Raleigh can’t say. Herc keeps touching him, his hand slowly squeezing Raleigh on the upstroke and flicking the head of his head, over and over again. He fondles Raleigh’s balls with one hand while tracing the thick vein on the underside of his dick with two fingers, he sucks at Raleigh’s right nipple this time, biting and licking, until Raleigh is a whimpering, bucking mess in the sheets. 

Raleigh doesn’t beg, he’s torn between wanting to stay like this forever and desperately wanting to come, his body aching all over. The noises he makes aren’t even words, just low keening sounds that escape despite his best attempts. His cock lies against his stomach,a dangerous shade of red. 

“Herc,” he gasps. “Herc,” but he doesn’t know what he’s asking. If his hands were free, he’d crush Herc to him but even that he can’t do right now. He struggles against his restraints, stomach heaving. He strains his neck forward and Herc comes closer, kissing him again. It’s good but it’s not enough, the noises he’s making starting to become wilder and desperate. 

“Ok,” Herc says, reaching between his legs. He tugs off the rubber ring, though it only provides Raleigh with minor relief. “I’m so proud of you.” Raleigh swallows back something dangerous and thick inside his throat. He shakes his head, wants to protest, but Herc grips him by the back of the head. He presses their foreheads together and for the first time Raleigh feels trapped.He curls a palm around Raleigh’s dick, stroking with meaning this time. 

“I can’t,” Raleigh gasps, words stuttering in his throat. “Please, I can’t. I want to come, please.” 

Herc speeds up his hand, and Raleigh arches up off the bed, his orgasm building to a peak.  
“That’s it,” Herc whispers in his ear, “That’s my sweet boy.” 

Raleigh strains against his ropes, a sob escaping his mouth, as Herc squeezes him with just the right amount of pressure, pleasure streaking hot and cold through his entire body. He comes with cry, his entire body arching off the bed, come splashing against his belly and the sheets. 

“So good Raleigh, you did so good,” Herc says against Raleigh’s feverish temple. 

The orgasm isn’t like anything he’s ever experienced, the shocks of it rippling through his body, leaving him weak and almost mewling. He nuzzles Herc’s face, can feel wetness on his cheeks that Herc wipes away with his thumb. His hands are quickly untied and he scrambles to pull Herc to him. 

“Sweet boy.” Herc pulls him in tight. Strong hands twine through his hair, and he buries his face in Herc’s shoulder. 

“I”m sorry,” Raleigh says, breath still shaky and wet. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Shhh,” Herc keeps him close, and rubs long parabolas along his arms and back, lets him cling until the orgasm and the emotion have dimmed. They lie there quietly, until Herc finally speaks. 

“You can’t punish yourself for being alive Raleigh.” His voice is soft, barely carrying in the room. Herc lazily brushes the soft hairs at the back of Raleigh’s neck. “No one would want that.” 

“It should have been me,” he says into Herc’s chest, something he knows Herc feels too. 

“I’m glad it wasn't you. I want Chuck back, I want Stacker back, but I’m glad it wasn’t you.” 

Raleigh curls closer, tangles their legs together under the blanket. “Don’t make me leave,” he asks and Herc smiles into his hair. 

“What would I have,” he says, “if you left?”


End file.
